"inapt, incompetent; incommensurate; defective, imperfect, incomplete"

Inadequacy is such a nasty feeling.
But it is that very feeling that haunts my thoughts at this moment.
I always find the people around me vastly more talented than I am.
And that is my own fault. I never try. Never put my heart into anything.
Never had any real dreams. And I usually don't care. Don't mind in the slightest.
But tonight. Tonight I feel inadequate on a painful level.
Why can't I just try? Just a little bit?
I should be motivated to make myself better. But I just am not.
I am so happy to just sit and watch those around me flourish.
And I want them to flourish. But I want something else as well.
I want to be remembered. Not because I did something really great.
I want to have something to offer. Something not easily forgotten.
I don't have that. I just don't.
I just want people to remember me. I am so afraid of being forgotten.
Lost in the shuffle. Alone and inadequate.
And I don't want to sit here in self pity. Only self evaluation.
Not self loathing. Only self under-appreciation.
Not a feeling of anger. Only that of deep sadness.
I am being childish. Sometimes I really feel my age. And I hate that.
Everyone around me is just amazing. They are.
And I don't belong. Not yet. And I hate that feeling.
I really do. Cause now I know for sure.
Here. In this place. At this time. I am...

Inadequate.